How To Understand Boys
He put this picture up on Facebook:
Why? Why did he put that up? I knew I should have just un-friended him. I blocked him on a couple of messaging platforms but he hadn’t yet contacted me via Facebook so I hadn’t gotten rid of him on there as well. I’m the worst drama queen when it comes to relationships. I need to do the complete removal from my life – get rid of the phone number, remove him on social networking platforms, block him from my mind and my heart, and my many communication and mobile devices so that my heart doesn’t need to think about him. My head does think about him pretty much every moment of the day though.
Why did he put that up? Is he saying that stuff about me? Or is he putting that up because I should be thinking that way about him? Am I worth it? Is he saying that I gave up? Why would he put that up? I don’t understand why he’d shared that picture and those words?!
I gave him everything I had in this relationship. I gave him my heart, every ounce of trust I could muster, and about as much patience as anyone could ever have had towards his psychotic bitch-ex. I fucking hate her with everything I got. She got what she wanted out of this. She broke us up. Well done you little whore. I hope you’re happy with yourself.
Is he saying that I gave up because I wasn’t worthy? Or that he isn’t giving up on me and he was just letting me have my time to breathe and rant. Is that what he is saying? That he won’t give up? Because he know’s I’m amazing?
Maybe he’s saying that I should think he is amazing and I shouldn’t give up. Is that it?
Why would he post that fucking picture? Look what it has done to me!
“If she’s worth it, you won’t give up”
What does that mean? I need to un-friend him. I have tried to, twice today already. I can’t. I can’t seem to press that button. I can’t believe that this is all finished. I can’t believe that’s all the fight he had for me. I really thought we had something bigger and better than this. Isn’t he meant to be chasing after me with his tail between his legs, promising me the world and bringing bunches of flowers and pretty little gifts as we go along? That’s what the Hubby did. When he smashed me in the face and left his knuckle-bone in my top lip, he came home with the biggest bunch of red roses I’ve ever seen before in my life. He came with those flowers and tears that, at the time, I thought were genuine. Jock didn’t show up with anything more than a new beard style. Even Big Love managed to come up with a half-assed attempt at the big romantic gesture. It’s not about the big things or the cost of it all, but surely he should have made more of an effort than that? What happened to old-school romance? Old-school gentleman’s charm? I know it’s a cliche but honestly, I don’t mind all that. In fact, I fucking love it.
I can’t believe it’s over. I can’t believe it’s finished with. Is that really that? I’m a state of disbelief right now. I can’t seem to cry. I get really, really angry from time to time, but I’m not really sad. I think he really did piss me off. I’ve never been like this before. I’m upset and I miss him but more than that, I’m raging angry. It’s not a good look for me. I’m not a pretty angry blonde.
On the plus side, I seem to have fallen in love with my new septum piercing so all is right with the world!
And I still don’t know how to understand boys.
